Sunday, January 11, 2009

Do You Trust Me?

For me, trust is the biggest part of every relationship. It can be a romantic relationship, one with family or even friends. The same rule applies to all of them. I have been burned by many people throughout life and I don't think that I'm different than anyone else because we all suffer betrayals and heartache at the hands of friends and lovers. (Yes! I finally said "lovers" on my blog!) I chose the picture from Aladdin because twice he asks her, "Do you trust me?" and with that, she is able to find out his true identity, leading to true love, marriage and several awful straight-to-DVD sequels.

My personality is one that is very forgiving, often times too forgiving because I get hurt time and time again. With good friends, family and the boys I date, I am very quick to forgive. Friends and family will see the hurt they have caused, mend it and the trust is restored to it's original brilliance. The boys I date have seen the hurt they have caused and may try to mend it, will often creep back in my life, I will forgive them and the trust is somewhat restored. Here's the problem. With those boys I am quick to forgive but the trust is damaged. I don't like the feeling of not having complete 100% trust in someone. It's unsettling.  I can't act like myself when that's the case, I am very guarded because the trust isn't there. Anyone who knows me knows that I need to be free to be me and I am definitely not one of those guarded personality types. Unless the trust is not there. That leads to more confusion because the guy thinks now I'm not interested or not interesting because I'm acting different and ta da! - Rachel gets dumped again! (It has happened more than once, I assure you)

So, my predicament...where can I find a guy who is going to be vulnerable and open with me and let me be free to be me?


Kat said...

Vulnerability- not many people are willing to be vulnerable 100%. You and I are very similar in that we allow others to see us in vulnerable situations. We do this because we only want truth. We want people to see us for who we truly are. When that isn't reciprocated and all we get in return is a fake/false attitude or friendship, it causes heartache. You and I have a thing for having that feeling of "being free" and I couldn't agree more with what you said in your blog. So, what happens as a result? We are guarded. I know you are not a guarded personality type. I'm not either. Fortunately, WE aren't the ones who really suffer. We may not like the feeling of being guarded but the true sufferers are the ones (due to fault of their own) who do not get the opportunity to truly see you for who you are. Which is, of course, AMAZING. Just feel bad for them Rachel... I do.

Eliza said...

I wish I knew the answer but I don't think you're looking for one from me. I love you. I feel that way too sometimes, thanks for putting it out there and speaking up. Dating sucks.

meghan said...

girls rule, boys drool. just become a lesbian-it worked for me.