Saturday, December 20, 2008

Will You _______ Me?

Ok, I may get a lot of flack for this one, but I think it is something really important and isn't discussed enough. I am Mormon, duh, and I remember when the Church could pride itself on having a super low divorce rate. Especially when compared with the national average. But, times have changed. Our divorce rate is nearing the national average even though a big focus within our church is family, communication and love. How is this all changing? I have a theory so please indulge me.....
I personally know at least 10 people my age or younger who have already been married and divorced once. Think about people you know, how many have already done the wedding/divorce thing? What are common themes? Ones I have noticed are: getting married right off a mission, getting married very young and having very short courtships/engagements.

On the flip side I also know a few couples who have done one or all of those things and are still married (and I am thrilled for them) BUT when comparing divorces, the facts speak for themselves. So, if you're reading this and you think I think your marriage is doomed, I definitely don't. I just wish more people would wait just a little bit longer and really think about what eternity really means.

In August the Church magazine, the Ensign, focused on "older" unmarried members of the Church.  They encouraged this group to continue improving themselves with additional schooling, service, etc.  Funny thing about this is the more girls "improve" themselves, the more Mormon boys around this area tend to get intimidated.  Funny.  While I can appreciate the message of hope the Church released, I would really appreciate if they would address the problem of this super young, already divorced group.  I have been a member my entire life and I only remember two older, established couples divorcing but can easily come up with 10 or more younger couples.  I think that's a problem that they should address.  

Last night I met a guy who has been off his mission for about two months and has already gone on a ton of dates.  I asked him if he was actively trying to get married and he said yes, he was.  I asked why he wanted to get married so bad...was it pressure from his mission, parents, something he really wanted?  He said yes, all of the above.  When I asked him why he really wanted to get married he said it's because we're supposed to.  Yikes.  

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, if it does then please prove me wrong and have a wonderful and successful marriage.  Anyone else remember when they would discuss our divorce rates in comparison with the national?  Let's get them talking about it again in a positive light.  I want to see that divorce rate change, if it changes, I can stop theorizing and continue "improving" myself  :)

I'm grateful for the opportunity we have for eternal marriage.  


rebecca said...

may i be so bold?.... i dont think its a coincidence that people who are at the height of their sexual peak (and not allowed to have sex), get married asap, have sex ( guilt free), and get divorced.

also- 4 seasons and a road trip, anyone?

Linda said...

May I be so BOLD also? I agree with Rebecca. Too many RM's are octupus' and will SAY they wanna get married just to have a make-out session. If that doesn't work, they get married, get some, then run, split or trade up. Girls are giving it away WAY too easy these days. NO MORE MAKE OUT SESSIONS. Make the boys wait it out and get married in a YEAR after the true colors come out! ARGH. (Boy hating mood right now, but successfully married for 28 years. I love men, just not boys)

Kati said...

Alright, alright, I'll come out of blog stalking to comment on this one. I love reading blogs, but I'm one of those evil ones who doesn't comment often. ;-) I have to say I don't think the getting married young or right off the mission has everything to do with it- all of the older generation did the exact same thing, if not younger, and yet, like you said, you don't know many older people who are divorced. Getting married young isn't anything new, and yet it worked before. While it definitely is one of the leading causes of divorce nationally, I think there's a deeper reason. I think a lot of it has to do with what the previous commenters discussed, as well as our generation's propensity towards being more selfish and focused on what we want, rather then what other's want. I'm not saying that this is the sole cause for divorce or what's going on in every situation, it's just something I've noticed.

However, I do think missing as well is the stage of "courtship" that the older generations had. I think often people skip from dating straight to engagement without the true courtship phase. I had an institute teacher tell us that once and it really made sense. Anyway, there's my two cents! I'll go back to blogstalking now... ;-)

Crazy McWife said...

I totally like the way you think. I agree with the other commenters- that having to remain "good" has a lot to do with quick weddings, and thus the long courtships miss out. But I think a lot of people fall out of love too easily, and then the whole work and forgiveness factor- marriage is tough! I do see how it's almost a Catch 22, that if you wait, and gals improve themselves, that guys find them more intimidating or undateable. And I think too, that people may think the grass is greener on the other side- when in reality, there's just as many weeds on your side as their side. :S